How to manage your fears? Fear Setting Process
We are all talking about goal setting.
There are books, podcasts, videos, online courses, and training out there that teach you how to reach goals.
And they all have their purpose. A lot of them offer good advice or teach you the tools that help you to reach your goals.
But all those techniques don’t help if it is not the goals, that are the issue, but something else getting into your way: Your fears.
Fears are the number one reason that is holding you back from reaching what you truly want.
Fear is the number one thing getting in the way of your dream life.
And unlike goal-setting techniques, fears need to be targeted on a deeper level.
Because fears are rooted in our subconscious mind.
But there is one rational approach that you can use that will help you to manage your fears better when it comes to reaching your goals (and making your dream life a reality!)
This approach is particularly useful for all you overthinkers out there and will help you to calm your mind.
Of course, ideally, you add some true mindset work to that as well, but as a starting point, this technique will help you massively to move into action.
Why is this technique so effective?
The technique we are talking about today was created by Tim Ferris. He introduced it in a TED Talk a while ago that has gone quite viral since.
The basic idea is simple: instead of setting goals, you set your fears.
That means, that you analyze your fears rationally and get a plan in place on how to manage them well.
We will talk about that more in-depth in a minute, but let me just quickly point out, why that is such a powerful approach:
IT MAKES USE OF HOW THE BRAIN WORKS
Our brain loves to analyze things. And particularly if those things are a potential danger. Using the Fear Setting technique supports your brain in that. It puts all fears in the spotlight, hands you a magnifying glass, and asks you to have a really close look at all the things that could go wrong. With this, you remove the subconscious stress of “ignoring” fear and put it on the table instead. Let´s analyze this thing. For real.
Believe me, your brain loves that!
IT MAKES FEAR TANGIBLE
Fear can only grow strong when things stay vague. If you just have this feeling that something could risk your endeavor, fear will sneak in all the time. Because if you are not clear on what you are really afraid of, it can be potentially anything, right?! The Fear Setting process helps you to get very specific on your fears. And that alone reduces the intensity of it.
YOU WILL HAVE A PLAN
How to reach your goals? With a plan in place.
How to manage your fears? With a plan in place.
The Fear Setting process helps you to develop a plan that will include all eventualities - and what you can do in case things go wrong. You are prepared. Another thing that your brain loves to know.
Fear Setting - the process
Ok, so let´s get specific.
What is the Fear Setting process all about?
The structure is easy, it consists of four questions that you can ask yourself whenever fear is showing up - or when you want to manage it so it does not pop up all the time.
1. WHAT IS THE WORST-CASE SCENARIO?
Take some time and think things through. What is the worst that can happen if you follow your goal?
Let´s say you want to change your career. What is the worst that can go wrong? That you quit your job and don´t find another one? That you can´t pay your bills then and eventually become homeless? What is the worst that can happen?
Get specific! This is the basis for the questions to come.
2. HOW REALISTIC IS THAT?
How realistic is it that the worst-case scenario will happen?This is not about “Nah, I am just panicking” and brushing your fear away, but actually, rationally investigating how realistic that is. Often, it turns out that the worst-case scenario is not very realistic - and that potential damage would be way smaller than fear wants to tell you.
3. HOW CAN I PREVENT THIS FROM HAPPENING?
What can you do to prevent the worst-case scenario from happening?
What measure can you take, what precautions can you put in place so this will not happen?
In our previous example of changing your career, this could be to put money aside - just in case, that you gradually change your career, that you start with a side-hustle, that you make sure that you have all the necessary qualifications to succeed, etc.
4. HOW COULD I REPAIR THE DAMAGE?
If everything goes wrong, what can you do to repair the damage? What measure can you put in place? What actions can you take to get off lightly?
In our example that could be finding a temporary job to pay the bills, reaching out to people for support, lending money, moving in with your parents again,...
As you see, setting your fears removes a lot of the fears around “all the things that could go wrong” - but makes them tangible and manageable.
How to do Fear Setting?
To make this exercise as joyful (yes!) and effective as possible, here are some tipps:
TAKE YOUR TIME
Invest some time to go through the questions. Grab your notebook, light some candles, and get your favorite tea. Make this a joyful process. And allow it to take its time. Working through the questions in-depth will lay the foundation for all the moments to come when fear might show up. Once done properly, you can always rely on your plan and trust that you have all scenarios covered.
BE SPECIFIC
You know already that fear loves to remain vague. So be very specific in this exercise. Do not only scratch on the surface, but allow yourself to go deeper. Allow your fears to show up and address them specifically. What exactly are you afraid of? What precisely could happen? What specifically could you do? And be realistic. You don’t necessarily have to cover the scenario of an asteroid threatening earth (unless that is one of your fears, of course), but focus on things that are reasonable.
BE KIND & CULTIVATE TRUST
Working with your fears can be an intense exercise (it will be quite liberating too, by the way), so be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that this is an exercise and that you are working on a plan to be prepared IN CASE things go wrong. But remind yourself that they don´t necessarily have to go wrong. Be compassionate. And cultivate trust. If fear is showing up in the process, remind it that there is nothing to worry about. Because you are just preparing yourself to. the. max!
Once you have worked through this exercise there is only one thing left:moving into action!
Have fun with that, my friend!
You´ve got this!
Laura