Episode 2: Victimhood & Empowerment
A few words: I am not sure yet what the best format is to make our (German) podcast accessible to everyone. This rough summary is the first attempt. It might change with time or when I find another way of sharing episodes with you.
Today we are talking about a very interesting topic: victimhood and empowerment! Ready? Then let´s dive in!
How do we experience victimhood vs. empowerment in our lives?
Eike
I had a thought this morning about how important it is to start creating, to do things, instead of just consuming external input, when we want to move out of victimhood. I recently heard Tim Ferris say that it is important to create more output than input., also in relation to how much and what media we consume, how we learn, how much Netflix we watch. Because this all has an impact on how much output we create.
This applies to many other areas of our life too., Like in dating and the question of how many men can I approach, or how much do I actively reach out to friends, or how many potential clients I contact, how many projects do I start, instead of waiting for things to come my way.
Laura
Exactly, how active we are in our approach to get the things we want in our lives. I had a similar experience a while ago. I decided on a 6-month mastermind and had big hopes, I put the coach on a pedestal. I thought that she is the one who will give me all the answers and help me to boost my business. Relatively late in that Mastermind, I realized how passive I had become. How much realized that I was waiting for tips, instead of simply doing the things my way and what felt like the right thing to do for me. This was quite a brutal experience. Particularly, because “victimhood” has been a topic for me for quite a while already and I know that many others find this topic a challenging one too. It´s important to understand that it is only ourselves who can actively shape our life, no one else will!
Does being a woman make it more difficult?
Eike
Absolutely! and what I ask myself in that regard is how much this has to do with our role as women. We still have this narrative that women have to be quiet, passive. Especially when it comes to dating: better not to write to men, let them approach you. This message is still affecting us in many areas of our lives.
Laura
Yes, and even more so that being assertive and confident is perceived as negative in a woman? As women we are still told to be modest, hold ourselves back, not be too demanding and ask too many questions.
Eike
… when we actually feel the most empowered the moment we actively demand things, stand up for ourselves and our ideas. This is when all the interesting things happen in our lives!
Laura
I recently posted on Instagram how important it is that we all celebrate our wins. One of the reasons why this is so important is that communicating confidently what we´ve achieved gives other women the encouragement to do the same. If we show what we´ve done, what we have managed, finished, created, it gives others “permission” to do the same, it inspires them to do the same, create things, actively pursue goals. This is not always easy, but something we can practice!
Is taking 100% responsibility for our life easy for us?
Eike
Yes, that's right, taking 100% responsibility for your own life is not always easy. Of course, I also have phases in which I say: I'd rather stay in bed instead of writing 20 emails to potential clients and maybe get one answer, confront myself with potential criticism, make myself feel unsafe. But the more often I do it, the easier it gets. It's like a muscle that I can train and that becomes stronger. In the beginning, I needed a lot of encouragement from others to go for my dreams, but I've gained a lot of confidence and know that the only way to reach my goals is to go for them.
Laura
Sometimes it´s hard for me to realize that I am being in victim mode because I know all the tools and know how to move into action and yet, I have moments when I catch myself thinking that things are hard and the world is unfair. What helps me to move out of that is to ask myself “What can I do right now?”
Staying passive has a lot of reasons, like fear or a lack of clarity, and focusing on what I CAN do and what my resources are is the fastest and easiest way for me to move from victim to feeling empowered and in charge of my fate. And it is the same for me as you mentioned before: the more I practice that, the easier it gets.
Eike
When I started to understand this connection I realized that I have a lot of shame and fear attached to that as well. It meant that I had to own that there were areas in my life I was not happy with and that it was me who got me in this situation. It was not easy to accept that. I could not blame others anymore, but it was all on me. I had to learn to accept and love myself and also to forgive myself for all that. I had to become my own best friend, in a way so I could encourage myself to keep on moving forward.
Laura
I too had to learn to accept that it is ok not to feel empowered, that it is ok to feel helpless. The only thing that matters is to get aware of that and then consciously decide to do the things that ARE possible. Very often, staying passive and blaming the state of the world, our childhood, society is a lot more comfortable. But there is always something that I can do to feel better and get closer to my goals. It's a fundamental decision to make: do I stay in victimhood and let external factors dictate what will happen or do I decide consciously over and over again to master my fate? Once you´ve made this decision to live empowered there is no way back. Which gives a lot of strength too!
What role do our mobile phones and social media play in all this?
Eike
What's important in that regard too is how we use our mobile phone consumption. I think we still have to learn how to manage this device in our pocket. Do I use it intentionally, or do I let its content wash over me all day long? I am just coming out of an 8 months social media break and am using social media with a lot more intention now. I use the platform to share, engage and also support others, rather than just scrolling through content. I enjoy social media but still try to have days when I keep my phone turned off, on weekends, for example.
Laura
I too try to use my phone and social media intentionally. I úsually start my day with my morning routine and work on my business, before engaging on social media. This is not working perfectly every day, but again, it's a conscious act and practice to decide how I want to spend my time and energy.
Our takeaways from this episode
Eike: Taking responsibility for our lives is a crucial skill to have
Laura: Taking responsibility for our lives is also extremely empowering!
A question that can help you to move into empowerment:
What is it that I can do right now?
Who is chatting here?
Laura is a Life Coach and NLP Master Practitioner and helps purpose-seekers, free-spirits & change-makers to find clarity and start trusting themselves so they can break free from the beaten career path and start living a life of possibilities. This is my online home - say hi!
Eike is a coach and creative based in Hamburg, Germany. She is helping her clients to easily overcome the obstacles on the way to their desired life. Hop over and visit her here