Episode 3: Friendships & our support network
A few words: I am not sure yet what the best format is to make our (German) podcast accessible to everyone. This rough summary is the first attempt. It might change with time or when I find another way of sharing episodes with you.
Eike and I met almost 6 years ago through a group coaching program when we both were very unhappy in our jobs and craving a network of like-minded people. So much has changed since! In this episode, we take you behind the scenes of how we felt in our corporate jobs, how we built our network, and what helped us to create a circle of friends that truly supports us.
Why we felt like aliens in our corporate jobs and what has changed it all
Laura
When we met, I was still in a corporate job and I felt miserable. I had the feeling that I was the only person around me who wanted to live a different life and I did not know how to change my life. Through this group coaching program, I met other like-minded, interesting, and inspiring women like you and realized that I am not the only one with “crazy” dreams.
Eike
Yes, I too felt like I was leading a double life. Being corporate all day, and leading a parallel life with yoga, meditation, and coaching in secrecy. The group coaching program changed a lot for me too and gave me the courage to quit my job for the first time! They say: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with” and I think there´s a truth in that.
Laura
I am very grateful for the people I have in my life now but it took me a while to build this network. I think the biggest step was when I decided that I did not only want a different life but committed to making a change. I suddenly met other people with similar aspirations. The second big thing I needed to to do create for this network was to get proactive. So I started to organize small events and gatherings and invited people I liked and admired. This created momentum and led to people were starting to reach out to me suddenly. This is also what I did in terms of my business network. When I realized that I was missing like-minded business owners in my life I started to reach out to other coaches I admire and asked if they wanted to start a Mastermind with me. They did - and now these three other women are my strongest support network!
Eike
Totally, it´s acting proactively and taking responsibility! When I wanted to build a stronger network I went to a lot of different events to find new connections. I was actively seeking new contacts and exchanges. Of course, not everyone I met there became a friend, but every now and then I met someone that it clicked with straight away and over time I built my network! I also think that sometimes we need to accept that we need different people in different phases of our lives. When we entering a new phase, friendships will shift, and sometimes we need to readjust our network to fit where we are standing.
On losing friendships and calling in new people
Laura
It can be tough when you realize that you are losing friendships because you are heading in different directions. It can be painful to let those people go, but it also creates space for new people to come into your life!
Eike
This process is hard, particularly when it was a close friendship. When our focus shifts, our common ground can get smaller. I think it´s important to remember that friendships can change. This is part of life. We always attract the people that we need - the good ones or sometimes a hard lesson to learn. I think this is also why we are in contact again now after so many years - not it is all about business and coaching again so we just fit!
Laura
And ultimately it is about trust too. Trusting that the right people will show up once you create the space for them.
Having a strong support network is a crucial success factor - whatever success looks like for you. So what do you think is important when it comes to your network?
What to do if you have toxic people in your network?
Eike
I think it’s important to get very clear on who is truly supporting you. Your environment can be toxic too, holding you back without you realizing it. But who we surround ourselves with is crucial for our confidence and self-worth. Our network is also a mirror and the feedback we get affects how we feel about ourselves and what is possible for us.
Laura
A small behind-the-scenes for our listeners: just before we started recording this episode, Eike and I had a heated debate about the direction of this podcast. Instead of making it something that is standing in between us, we decided to give ourselves room to grow, to lift each other up, to learn from each other in this setting. And this is exactly what I am looking for in my network. People who truly support each other and celebrate the wins. I know that this is not always easy, particularly when the other person has something you haven’t yet, but having the courage to keep an open heart and support others is what I am seeking in my relationships.
Eike
Yes, and sometimes it is hard to spot who is truly supporting you and who might not be all by your side.
Why changing your network can fuel fear and doubt!
Laura
When we change our lives it often goes hand in hand with leaving the flock and walking on our own path. This can feel lonely! Particularly in the corporate world that is so much about career. and you feel like you are the only one who has other dreams and aspirations and is crazy enough to leave this environment. This paves the way for the inner critic, fears, and doubts.
Eike
Yes, this change of identity and the realization that you just don´t fit in anymore can feel weird. Even more so important to create a network that carries you through this change!
Should we all ask for help more often?
Laura
I think that we often underestimate the power of our network and how willing and eager people are to support us! This can be a very beautiful experience - to see how many people actually want to see you succeed if you just allow them to support you along the way.
Laura
Particularly when you are someone who wants to do things on yourself, this can be a wonderful experience to see that a network can support you, you can ask for help, you can ask for support, and its working! A beautiful experience! Allow yourself that others carry you and you don't have to do everything yourself!
Eike
Yes, asking for help is such a powerful thing! I remember when I went through a break-up some time ago and so many of my friends helped me with words, with a bed to sleep on, etc. We also have to remember that people do like to help. It makes us feel good if we can support others! So asking for help does not only help us but also gives others the opportunity to provide help. It's a win-win! We can accomplish things only with the support of others!
Laura
There is this African proverb that says: If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. Which pretty much sums this episode up, right?!
Our takeaways from this episode
Eike: The awareness that we are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with.
Laura: That I can actively reach out to the people that I want to have in my life and build the network I desire.
If you don't know where to start then start online: Facebook groups, youtube, or podcasts are a great way to find inspiration and connect with like-minded people - even if it is just on a virtual basis to start with!
Who is chatting here?
Laura is a Life Coach and NLP Master Practitioner and helps purpose-seekers, free-spirits & change-makers to find clarity and start trusting themselves so they can break free from the beaten career path and start living a life of possibilities. This is my online home - say hi!
Eike is a coach and creative based in Hamburg, Germany. She is helping her clients to easily overcome the obstacles on the way to their desired life. Hop over and visit her here