Episode 5: How we took our first steps to create life on our terms
A few words: I am not sure yet what the best format is to make our (German) podcast accessible to everyone. This rough summary is the first attempt. It might change with time or when I find another way of sharing episodes with you.
This is the podcast episode I wish I had in my hands when I started to take my first, shy steps onto my path. I was stuck in my corporate career, lacking role models and asking myself all the time if what I was dreaming of was possible for me, and if yes: what was the first step to take?
This is exactly what Eike and I talk about in this episode, so let's dive straight in!
Our situation before we took our first steps
Laura
Before I was taking my first steps I was stuck in a career that was just not the right one for me. It was a well-paid job, looked really good on my CV, was in my field, and yet, I felt so lost! I had no idea what to do and how to change my life. This also came with a sense of desperation because I was so aware of how privileged I was in this position - financially stable, a prestigious career, great company, and yet, everything felt so wrong. When I look back into my journals of that time I notice how often I wrote “I can't do that a single day longer!” It felt like life was passing by and I have no idea where to start and how to get out of that situation.
Eike
It was very similar for me too, perhaps in combination with a deep sense of exhaustion and tiredness. I was working a lot and was pushing myself all the time. I knew I had achieved a lot, worked in good positions, abroad too, I earned good money, and at the same time, there was a sense of dissatisfaction and sadness that I could not grasp and could not really put in words. This also resulted in feeling guilty. I was struggling with not being happy when everything looked so good from the outside. I felt really disconnected from myself and my body too! My body was telling me that something was wrong, but I also felt totally dissociated from my body at the same time.
How we compensated
Laura
Because I felt so little control over my life and that I was not having any real impact, I started to be very strict in other areas of my life. I started a strict running regime and did yoga with a lot of discipline to have the feeling that I am in charge of my life. Was that a topic for you too?
Eike
Yes, this happened for me too! I too tried to overcompensate with things I wanted to achieve. When I look in my old diaries I now realize how hard I was with myself and how harshly I was talking to myself all the time. This of course, also reflected in how I did things back then.
Knowing this feeling is now our biggest driver!
Laura
Knowing how terrible it is to feel stuck and like your life is passing by is one of my biggest motivations to work as a coach. Helping others to move out of that and find their path in life is such rewarding work to do.
Eike
For me, this is a strong motivation too. Experiencing this myself and knowing now that it is part of being human is what influences my work too. Plus, specific coaching tools of course!
What helped us to take the first steps to change our lives?
Eike
The first thing for me to leave this feeling of being stuck and not good was to accept the situation. To accept that things were not ok and that I needed to ask for help. In a way, this was taking responsibility for my life and acknowledging that I couldn't do it all by myself. I knew I wanted something different and for that, I needed someone to help me to get there. Allowing myself to ask for help and not seeing it as a sign of weakness was a topic for me. It was a process that took time and made me shed some tears too. But I wanted to do things differently and the fear that things would not change was bigger than the fear of taking this step and reaching out to my first coach. Once I did ask for support, parts of the pressure immediately lifted for me and I knew that now things could change.
Laura
When I felt so lost in my life I tried a lot of different things. I started to write a book, I designed my own book with journaling prompts and even talked to a producer, I did a lot of yoga, read many, many books which all helped a bit. But I reached a point when I realized that I still felt stuck and wanted support from a coach. Starting to work with my coach was a game-changer for me. This feeling of having someone by my side, someone who guided me through the process, helped me to discover my path, changed it all for me, and helped me to move out of my desperation into action.
For me too, this process was not an easy one because acknowledging where I was in my life, what did not go well, what I wanted and needed to change was an emotional process and caused a lot of fears. “How do I take my first steps”, “what do I need to leave behind” were all questions I had to deal with. I recently read a quote that said: “Your new life will cost you your old one” and this is how it felt back then. But I also knew that this was the only way forward for me because I wanted a change so badly.
Letting go of the old
Eike
Leaving the old behind is one of the reasons why change can be painful and take its time. Normally, it takes a while from the moment you realize that something is off until you start to really change something. Letting go of what we once wanted is a longer process because these once were our dreams and expectations. Understanding why things do not feel right anymore and what we want instead requires some work. For me personally, this was closely linked to fears around whether I could allow myself to choose a different path, can I allow myself to learn about yoga and meditation and healthy nutrition, and mostly: does this mean that I will lose myself to a certain extent and that I will lose the connection to the people around me.
Laura
Allowing things to feel uncomfortable and opening up space to navigate change is something that coaching can do so powerfully. Creating the room to think about what is it that I want or not, what do I need in my life is such an important part of the change process. I see this with my clients and know that from myself too. The other important aspect of change is being kind to yourself, reminding yourself that it is ok to feel like a mess, and trusting that step by step, things will change. Treating myself kindly while taking my first steps and when the change started to happen was when coaching helped me a lot.
The power of coaching
Eike
When we start to change we normally look for support and validation from friends and family. We often expect that they have the same dreams and ideas that we have and it can be difficult to realize that this is not the case. Particularly the people who know us well perceive us in a certain way and have certain expectations. This is when coaching is so supportive because with a coach you have a neutral person by your side who can open up the room that you need to make change happen.
Laura
I remember a sentence my first coach told me in one of our sessions: “I am holding the light when you can only see darkness”. This was such a powerful image for me, that there is someone who helps me to see my path, even if I don't see it yet, even if I don't trust it yet, even if I am still lacking clarity. Obviously, we are talking very enthusiastically about coaching, but this is because we are so aware of the power that coaching holds!
Are there other things that helped us too?
Eike
Saying yes to myself and saying yes to getting support was what changed it all for me. After taking this step I started to seek inspiration, allowed myself to imagine how things could be, identified what gave me joy and who I wanted to be. Once I broke through the fear, I could start dreaming again. So saying yes to myself and change was really important for me to allow my first steps to happen.
Laura
One of the most important tools I see outside of coaching is to accept that things feel off and that you want an alternative. That is a mindset shift, but acknowledging that you are at a point in your life where change needs to happen is a big step. Simply honoring this fact helps to seek solutions - be it working with a coach, books, workshops, or support from your network.
Our takeaways from this episode
Laura
My biggest challenge in regards to changing my life was this massive lack of clarity, not knowing who I was and what my path in life was. And all that, while I was feeling like my life was passing by so quickly.
Eike
For me, my biggest challenge was to give myself permission to dream of a different life and accept that the situation I was in was not anymore the life I once wanted.
Before any change can happen, we need to accept the situation as it is and acknowledge that we want something different for our lives. Once you acknowledge that things feel wrong, we then can start taking steps to create a different life.
Who is chatting here?
Laura is a Life Coach and NLP Master Practitioner and helps purpose-seekers, free-spirits & change-makers to find clarity and start trusting themselves so they can break free from the beaten career path and start living a life of possibilities. This is my online home - say hi!
Eike is a coach and creative based in Hamburg, Germany. She is helping her clients to easily overcome the obstacles on the way to their desired life. Hop over and visit her here